???

How do you know when you are following your life's path? I feel as if I've been floundering for years. When I was in my early twenties, I knew exactly what I wanted and set out to attain my goals. I was progressing along nicely and then everything changed. I don't know how I lost my way. I had always planned to get back on track - it just didn't happen.

I had always wanted to be a performer. It's what I loved from the time I was little. It didn't matter if I was dancing, singing in chorus, performing on stage or in marching band. I loved to perform. There's a certain personality type that gets drawn into the performing arts. Frequently it's the introverted, intuitive types that get sucked in because it's a way to get attention they crave but are too shy to get it under normal circumstances. Usually there are self esteem issues so the performer must seek out self worth by what others think and project on them. I was no different. I longed to be the center of attention but didn't want to toot my own horn. You get to pretend to be someone else which allows you to do things you wouldn't normally do. I never felt so free as when I was performing. I felt unstoppable.

Years later, I am far removed from the stage. It's been years since I did any performing and I really miss it. At this point, it seems insurmountable to even consider performing again. I know what it takes to get back into it and I don't think I have the patience or energy to deal with all the egos anymore. The problem is, whenever I see a performance that's truly inspired by someone talented, those jealous heart strings start to get the better of me. "I could do that!!!" I could do that better!!" You see the joy and presence and want to be a part of it.

At this point in my life, I don't know what to do with myself. I love learning new things and using the creative parts of my brain. I want to have fun and add joy back into my life. It has been thrown in my face that we should "follow our bliss." I do believe that is the key to happiness. I just don't know what my bliss or passion is. there are so many things I want to do, I just can't pick one. So I sit here contemplating what I should do. I know that once I have a goal and know where I'm headed, everything will fall into place. I need to find that joy. Any suggestions?

As always,
TOO