Ask, Believe, Recieve

Boy I love wine....

I'm sitting here watching the Oscars and drinking wine and getting that warm fuzzy feeling. There's nothing better than that warm fuzzy feeling...well, I can think of one.

I've been contemplating my life's purpose lately. I know what it is I'm here to do, at least I think I know what I'm here to do. My natural being is that of a healer. It is my purpose to help others. I'm cool with that. It's something I'm very good at. The problem I'm having is finding the medium in which to fulfill that purpose. I started out wanting to be a performer. It's something I always did growing up. I loved to play instruments, sing, act and dance and always managed to find an outlet to perform.

As I approached adulthood, performing is what I set my sights on. I lost my path for a short time while working to earn money. I realized very quickly that I wasn't happy and wanted to go back to college to earn a degree in performing arts. I figured it was a way to get experience and fulfill my other desire to get a degree. My step-father wasn't to keen on me getting a degree in theatre but I was determined to go for it. He told me he would not support my decision to earn a degree in performing arts but I didn't care. A couple weeks before I was to start back up again at a new school, my step-father died. How ironic. After my step-dad's death, my Mom confided in me that she always wanted me to follow my dream of performing and would do anything she could to support me. I did finish my degree and moved to NYC to pursue more skills and was accepted in a conservatory program.

I seemed to be on the right path and then everything changed. Through circumstances, I had to change my plans because of a back injury. I had to have surgery so I left the program. After the surgery while recuperating I had to get a job to support myself. I had always planned to go back to performing. My life took a different path. I got married, had a child and found I had even more responsibilities and put my dreams even further on the back-burner. The older I got, the more I began to thing that any career performing was just a fantasy. I now find my older and wanting to get back to want I originally wanted to do. but how do I start off performing after all these years. I know the kind of dedication it takes to succeed. Am I up for the task? I don't know but it's time to go for it! Maybe that's the wine talking, I don't care. May be the wine is just bringing to the surface what's always been there but I've been denying. I guess I'll know when I re-read this tomorrow. Let's see what the universe unfolds before me over the next few days...

As always,
TOO