I was going through documents and ran across this... something I wrote three years ago. As I read through it, I almost didn't recognize it as something that came from my mind....
What are love and the nature of relationships? After quite a bit of reading and soul-searching I’ve come to a realization. Love is the natural state. It is our true essence. That’s why it feels so wonderful to love another. I’m not just talking about romantic love but the love between friends, parent and child, you and the universe and self love…but really there is no difference. In it’s true form, love is love and it’s given freely, no strings attached and without guilt. It’s all the other added crap we think is love that gets us all bent out of shape. Love has no expectations. We get in the way of love. When we tell someone “I love you,” sometimes it’s because we expect something in return or we think that’s what we’re supposed to say. That’s not love…that’s bondage. Love has no ties, it does not bind, and it does not hurt. It’s free and freeing at the same time. When we love another, we love ourselves. Most important – we can’t love others until we can love ourselves.
Relationships. Yes, that’s another subject all together. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. There’s the casual one – the man you see at the grocery store every week or the woman who rides the same bus in the morning. There are work relationships, families, friends, lovers and partners. What is the purpose of relationships and why do we have better luck with some than others? The purpose of a relationship is to remind each of us who and what we are. We are all one – we recognize in others what is in ourselves. We are attracted to another because that person reflects the sameness within. Have you ever had that feeling when you meet someone “I feel like I’ve known this person forever.” You have! We are all the same. We come together for the opportunity to become who we really are. As we get more comfortable with each other, we allow ourselves to “loosen up” revealing more and more of ourselves, getting closer to our true essence. We remind each other what’s already inside. There are no failed relationships because they all bring us closer to ourselves.
As individuals, we walk through life so guarded and protected out if fear of being rejected. What we end up doing is closing ourselves off from opportunities to grow causing more fear and in the end, reject ourselves. Connecting and creating loving relationships are what we’re supposed to do. Making that first connection is the hardest step to take but it’s so important. If we don’t connect with others, we would never learn anything about ourselves and we would never progress towards self-realization. The love is already there, we just don’t allow ourselves to see it. We’re blinded by what we’ve been told to believe. That is the lie.
The lie is that love is some mystical “holy grail” we’re all searching for. It’s very rare. We have been fed the lie since we were children. We’ve heard the fantasy: “Their eyes met and suddenly they knew. They could think of no other and lived happily ever after.” Perhaps there are a few that do find that one person in that manner. The divorce rate says otherwise being close to 50%. At least half the people who get married should have never done so. How can so many people make the same mistake? Do we all suck at relationships? It’s the lie. We all want to believe it and dream of finding “the one.” At some point comes the feeling you better find someone before it’s too late. We jump into each relationship with the intention of making it permanent. We are so desperate for love that we fear being alone so we’ll settle for less than our true worth. We place such an emphasis on marriage as the be all an end all of a relationship. So many rush into marriage thinking it will make them complete and solve all their problems. That’s the problem; we project on to others what we think we want, making it someone else’s responsibility to make us happy. If it the relationship ends, we can say it’s not our fault.
We fail at relationships because we don’t know how to love. We expect to receive it from others so we can give it back. But we’ve got it all wrong because it’s already there and always has been. We don’t recognize it. It’s in the smile you see, the laugh you hear, the kind word you say and the “hello” at work. It’s all around us but we don’t see it. Instead, we protect ourselves by building walls around our hearts, not letting anything in or out. We fear the pain of rejection so we reject others before they can reject us. Some are afraid of love, thinking it means you are bound to another…forever. Love just is.
Sex. There’s a word that either brings wonderful images to mind or causes you to run screaming in the opposite direction. I’ll say it again…SEX. We have placed so many negative connotations and taboos surrounding sex it’s a wonder anyone can enjoy themselves. We are all sexual beings from the moment we’re born but as we grow up, we are taught it’s not something you talk about, let alone do. When it’s finally time to have “the talk,” everyone is so stressed and embarrassed, it’s amazing any information gets through. What if the one doing the talking doesn’t know what they’re talking about? This leaves a lot unanswered questions leading some to discover what the mystery is all about on their own. And who doesn’t love a good mystery? If sex weren’t so secretive and hidden, perhaps we wouldn’t be so drawn to solve the mystery at such an early age. We have so many hang-ups and are so uncomfortable discussing sex; we have to hire companies to come in to our schools to educate our children. Sex education should be taught without guilt and shame – to adults so that they can discuss it with their children. Then you can bring in the “experts” in clarify information and answer questions.
Many adults can’t discuss sex, especially with the opposite gender without embarrassment. If we’re so embarrassed, how can we ever have a satisfying sexual experience with anyone? We have so many mixed messages regarding sex: it’s wonderful – don’t do it, it’s beautiful – it’s nasty, it feels good – don’t touch me, I’m horny – they have medication for that. No wonder we are so conflicted! We are so bound we can’t discuss openly what we feel or want. Imagine having a conversation with someone regarding sexual technique as if you were discussing a recipe for making your favorite meal:
“Yes, you can add this in for something a little spicy or try this substitution all together.” “I’ve never tried it with that before, how is it?”
“It’s great! You’ll love it!”
If only it were that easy!
