The Process of Process Part 3

"What do you want?"

"What do you want your life to be like a year from now and how would that make you feel?"

Two very loaded questions I hear over and over again. You would think by now I'd have a very well thought out answer. I never said I knew the answers. Using the Law of Attraction is a process in and of itself. Some days it's easier said than done. Yes - I understand the ramifications of "thoughts become things" - it brings with it a huge sense of responsibility (and to be honest - a little anxiety). Sometimes I'm afraid of my own thoughts and where they might lead.

When I was a young adult, I didn't really think about manifestation... Going after my dreams was not so scary because I still had a mother at home that would take me in if I failed (which she never had to do). "LOA" was not part of my vocabulary however but I had always heard the phrase "like attracts like." What that meant to me was if I was in a bad mood, it would be reflected back to me with everyone I encountered. These days, the idea of being able to manifest anything I desire is frightening with thoughts of, "What kind of time will it involve? Will it take me away from other things I want to do?"

So what is it I really want? The stock answer most people give is "a million dollars!" Don't get me wrong - a million dollars would be great! After Uncle Sammy gets his cut, I'd have about $655,000 left... I have no idea what New York State would take... But it's not really a dollar amount I want - it's about the freedom it entails: the freedom to go anywhere in the world when I feel like it, the time to spend learning a new skill, the means to give to others and the peace of mind knowing all my needs are taken care of (a home fully paid for, transportation when I need it, food, clothing, etc...).

I grew up with the notion that time+work+sacrifice = money... in other words, the greater amount of time and energy I put in would equal correspondingly to the amount of money I would have. I never had a problem finding jobs - they always found me! I collected too many of them taking up an enormous amount of my time and energy and yet I could never get ahead. Until very recently, I had three jobs and no time, no energy and still no extra money.... so the theory ingrained in my head has been proven wrong time and time again.

So I sit here and think, "What can I do differently to have the life I want?" The answer is to have fun, enjoy the present and be appreciative of what you have - all stuff I've been working on the past year. I do have a little more time but my income has gone down and my debt has gone up (yikes!). I seem to be going in the opposite direction of where I want to be. The things I enjoy doing are becoming increasingly more difficult to do. Even my passion for cooking and sharing it with others has taken a back seat because there are weeks I can't afford the ingredients for the recipes I want to make. I haven't quite figured out how to change the equation so that passion (pursuing your dreams) = time AND money.

Perhaps it is just me keeping myself from realizing my dreams because I am afraid of the responsibility and time it will entail, not to mention the expenses it takes to get there. Changing my reality is an ongoing process - one that involves a great deal of patience and understanding on my part.

Ah... the joys of being human embroiled in the contrasts of life!