"Love like there's no tomorrow."
- me (but I'm sure someone else has said it)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Today is the last day of 2006. This has been quite a year for me. I've gone through so much it's hard to imagine it was all crammed into one year. The beginning of the year was very difficult with a lot of family troubles with my youngest. Luckily with some guidance and perseverance on my part, we got through the rough spots. Because of all the stress, I was not taking very good care of myself and headed for a serious health crisis. With some advice from another, I was able to start making some positive changes and head towards being a healthier person both mentally and physically.

I spent the summer eating healthier and exercising, was able to drop a few pounds and put myself in a much more positive frame of mind. Still, I felt something was missing and couldn't quite figure out where I was headed with my professional and personal relationships. I've spent the better part of the last three years in limbo not knowing what I'm supposed to do and feeling like I don't fit in anywhere. I've been on a journey but not getting anywhere. It's as if I were planning a vacation but not knowing where I was going or when it would happen. Little did I know what was to come

This fall everything changed. I suddenly woke up. I saw a party happening and decided to be a part of it instead of just observing. I needed a little coaxing from a new friend but it didn't take long before I jumped right in. I was ready and willing to start having the time of my life. All it took was to participate. Suddenly I found my creative self and inspired to look at the things I really wanted in life. Old dreams and passions began to resurface. I just wish it hadn't taken so long. I needed a little encouragement and now I'm on my way. There was a rough patch but I think I got through it.

I'm very excited about 2007. I feel big things coming, new ideas, growth, new projects, working with people I love and having the time of my life. I feel like I just won the lottery and now I get to go out and spend it! I want to spend it with all of my friends! This year I want all my friends to know how much I love and appreciate them and will let them know more often. I hope everyone grabs ahold of life and manifests what they want this year.

To all my friends - I love you and am so happy you are in my life!!!

As always and with much love,
TOO




.

"Creation is the process of attraction; when you think a thought, you attract the subject of your thought."
-the Law of Attraction

In the past two weeks I've been hearing a lot about a movie called "The Secret." A friend of mine had mentioned it and I wasn't really paying attention. I filed it away in the back of my mind. Last week I was in a book store and sae a book "The Secret" not remembering the the earlier conversation with my friend. It looked interesting so I picked it up. I love to read inspirational books and have an addiction to buying them (coud be worse). I have so many I could start my own metaphysical library.

As I started to read this book, I realized it was all information I had heard before. The premise of the book is on the Law of Attraction. I have always believed "like attracts like." I am constantly telling my kids you get back what you put out...if you are angry and upset over everything on a consistant basis, angry people will easily find you. Which means the inverse is true; if you consistantly put out positive thoughts, things have a tendency to go more smoothly.

What the book points out is thoughts turn into reality. If you can think it, it will manifest. Here's the key: you may be great at focusing on all the positive things you would like to have in your life but most of us focus on what we don't want in our lives or what is missing. When we focus on what we don't want, that will manifest as well into our lives. This is an over-simplification of the book and movie. I've always known this but sometimes you have to be hit over the head a few times to get it and start applying it.

I am working on applying these principles in my life or at least being more mindful. When you've been "brainwashed" into to thinking a certain way over the years, it's very easy to slip into the negative. At least I'm recognizing the thoughts as they occur and try to reframe the negative into the positive. I'm a work in progress. I am sending out those thoughts of what I'd like to bring into my life, one of which is more joy. I've had some success and a few setbacks but I think I'm headed in the right direction. I'll keep you all posted...

As always,
TOO

Yesterday was one of those days I didn't feel like doing anything...other than want to stay home, work on a couple of projects, read and surf the internet. Okay, that sounds like a lot. What I meant to say was I didn't feel like going out. Everyone wanted to go shopping and spend the gift cards they received for Christmas. But with the tourists in holiday shopping mode, it makes it very difficult to get around the city, especially where they wanted to shop. More and more I've been finding I want to spend more time working on creative pursuits.

I've had some time off from the day job and had planned to get a lot of stuff done around the apartment. Other than do the obligatory cleaning and laundry, I haven't done any of the stuff I had planned to do. I've been living on a whim lately. Ideas pop into my head and my job is to make them a reality. I carry a notebook everywhere I go. Stories, fantasies, thoughts, dreams and encounters are jotted down in my "magic book." The funny thing is, everyone wants to know what's in it, what I'm writing down. I've had many people ask me what's in the book. I don't even know what's in it. I keep hoping a fantastic idea will suddenly be on the page. My goal is to get as much out of my head as possible. I've been living inside my head for so long it seemed weird at first spending so much time getting my thoughts down on paper. Now, if I don't have my notebook when I leave the house I feel naked. I never thought I'd get to a point where I would feel uncomfortable without pen and paper nearby.

For some reason, I'm thinking of wine. It must be because New Year's Eve is tomorrow, there will be drinking...what do I like to drink? Red wine. I've never been a white wine person. It tends to give me a headache or make me sick to my stomach. I don't know much about wine but I know what I like - towards the dry side. I'm not into the sweeter wines at all. I seem to have a talent for picking out great wines. Well, I don't know if I would call it talent or even a skill. Here's my secret: when I go into a wine shop, I walk around the store once. Then I think about what kind of wine I'd like to buy...merlot, cabernet, etc. Then I look to see what's available. I look at the labels; whichever label makes me smile, laugh or gives me a good feeling inside is the one I pick. That's it! So far it hasn't failed me.

Well, it's early on a Saturday morning. Time to drink my coffee and read my newspaper. Ciao!

As always,
TOO

"Create your day in advance by thinking the way you want it to go, and you will create your life intentionally."
-unknown

I was walking across 125th Street this afternoonand realized today just so happened to be the day of the memorial service at the Apollo for the Godfather of Soul and the hardest working man in show business, James Brown. I did not go to 125 Street to honor his memory, I really did have an errand to do in the area, but I thought, "okay, I'll send good thoughts." As I got closer to the Apollo, the crowds were getting heavier, there were helicopters overhead, police everywhere and barricades for crowd control. Entrepreneurs lined the streets hawking their wares...James Brown t-shirts, buttons and bootleg music CDs. Everyone was trying to make a buck, trying to entice me into buying something. I've always enjoyed his music although I don't own any of his CDs and I wouldn't call myself a fan, but how can you not feel like getting up off your butt and dance when you hear "I Feel Good?"

Last year I went to Madison Square Garden for a Gwen Stefani concert with several of my girlfriends. The Black Eyed Peas were the opening act. Now if you haven't been to a concert recently, it's never just the the opening act and the headliner..there are always "special guests." I've seen the BEPs open for several music artists over the last few years and I do enjoy their music and watching them perform. They have such joy and energy during their performances. So last year, I'm at this concert watching the BEPs perform when out walks Justin Timberlake. Yes, I like Justin Timberlake, get over it. Anyway, JT is doing his thing, dancing, singing along with and providing backup vocals up the BEPS. Then out walks James Brown...JAMES BROWN! I can't believe it! I'm actually watching James Brown perform in Madison Square Garden! How cool is that? As I said, I've never been a "fan" but here I am, watching a legend, a music icon. I couldn't help but feel this was a special moment to remember.

So today I'm trying to get past the Apollo on the opposite side of the street, surrounded by "I Feel Good," souvenirs, James Brown impersonators, wild outfits and everyone else in New York City celebrating his life and music. I couldn't help but think again, this will be another special moment to remember. Life gets more interesting everyday. I'm excited to think about what tomorrow will bring....

As always,
TOO

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions."
- Albert Einstein

I went to lunch with a friend today. We've been keeping a standing date to meet once a week, share fun stories and eat good food. I realize how much I love my friends and am so grateful for all of them in my life; each one has a special place in my heart. True friends listen to your moans and groans when you're down as well as your crazy tales from the past without judgement. They jump into help when you need it in an instant, never asking for anything in return. How did I get so lucky to have these people in my life?

I've realized that the people you need the most at any point in your life are there if you just open your eyes. That voice inside guides us to connect with those individuals that can help us along on our journey. A friend said something to me not long ago that I have heard repeated many times in the last few weeks... I felt this person had helped to ignite the creative spark in my life that had been dormant for so long...

"Light is reflected. If me being here was a mirror to what and who you are, I can't take any credit."

We are all the same. We recognize in others what exists in ourselves. We are all our own creators. When we give to others (our attention, knowledge, laughter, love) we give to ourselves. This person was right... we see the reflection of ourselves in everyone we come in contact with. No one can take credit for me recognizing what was already inside but they can take credit for encouraging me to play and join in the fun and games of life. We are all on our own paths but I think our true purpose is to connect with each other. Sometimes the encounter is so brief we may never know the impact we've made on someone else. Some of us are lucky to experience the connection long enough to remember and do the same for others. I really am one of the lucky ones!

As always,
TOO

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."
--- Helen Keller
I hope everyone that celebrated Christmas received everything their heart desired. I had a wonderful day with friends and family with everyone behaving...to a certain extent. Last night I was thinking about all the reasons to be grateful...all the wonderful experiences of the past year, the new friends I've made and the good health I continue to have. I can't help but be excited about 2007. There's a feeling of anticipation this last week... I can feel big things are coming!!!

For some reason, a theatre story from way back popped into my head last night. This one is from long ago.... We had a show at the theatre with a small cast. The star of the show had come from TV and had done quite a few series but was not a big name at the time but recognizable (we'll call him Mr. S). He was very handsome, tall, charming and truly a nice guy...so much so that all the women in the show had a big crush on him despite being married. He was easygoing and friendly and loved to chat with me on his way in and out of the theatre. Frequently he would stop to talk about the state of theatre in general and how it seemed to be taking a turn for the worse - not unlike today.

I instantly knew I liked this guy when I saw how he handled difficult people. The producers of the show were not easy to get along with and made everyone's life a living hell. They frequently took out their frustration on the front of house so we made sure to make life as difficult as possible for them every chance we had. Mr. S recognized how the producers were abusing the staff and would frequently step in, calm things down and escort them out of our way. Sometime in to the run, I think around Christmas, Mr. S decided to throw a party at a Southern restaurant in Chelsea. He made a point to personally invite everyone to his celebration. It was a fabulous party with great food and company but what made it even more special, the producers were not there. I found out later he purposely scheduled the party at a time he knew the producers would be out of town and unable to attend. Yup, this was a man I wanted to know better.

One day - I believe it was a two show day - a message had come down from the office for Mr. S and the house manager asked if I would take it backstage (there were no cell phones at the time). At that time, the dressing rooms were arranged a little differently than they are today. On one side of the backstage area, we had "star" dressing rooms. The rooms were much larger, a little more private and separated from the other dressing rooms. (This area has since been changed for use as wardobe and stage management offices). I went on backstage... realizing no one was around, which was unusual...and it was very quiet. I knocked on Mr. S's door and heard him ask "who is it?" I replied and said I had a note for him. Next thing I knew, the door flew open and there he was, almost naked, in his underwear. Now if we had been standing poolside or on the beach, it wouldn't have seemd so strange, but here I am, fully clothed, standing in front of a very handsome half-naked man, trying not to turn ten shades of red. But being the kind of guy he was, he quickly put me as ease, talking to me as if this was the way he always dressed. I can't remember how long we were standing there talking, but it was long enough to find out we used to live very close to one another and that he had dated a very good friend of mine a few years back. Yes - a very small world. From then on we had our own little friendshp going on which pissed off the female lead of the show. She wanted all his attention for herself (despite her being married as well).

The day Mr. S was to leave the show, we had a huge party for his send off and to welcome his replacement into the show. Many tears were shed that day by all the women as well as many shared hugs. I was sad to see him go because he was fun to be around and truly a great guy. But it didn't seem like he'd left completely because soon after, he went on to star in a hit TV series that ran for four seasons. He has continued to appear on TV over the years and was again the star of another recent series that also ran for four seasons. Every once in a while I will see him on television and as if it was yesterday, I am instantly taken back to that time long ago. A huge smile starts to spread across my face, ear to ear. I can still see his amazing body, standing half-naked in his underwear, in that dressing room doorway smiling back at me. Great memories and fun times indeed.

As always,
TOO

Merry Christmas!!

As always, TOO

Forgive me if I get on my high horse a little. We all need to get things off our chest from time to time...

As Christmas is tomorrow and New Year's soon to follow, I've been thinking about how to end this year and bring in the next. I've gone through a lot of changes this year. I can't help thinking something big is coming. There's a certain excitement in the air. I'm feeling great love for everyone out there. Today I went out to do a few last minute errands and felt as if I was walking on clouds wth a big-ass grin on my face enjoying everything I encountered. I'm sure there were a few looking at me strange but I didn't care. I had my ipod on listening to fun music and almost dancing down the street. It was my own private score to the scenes playing out before me.

I mentioned in the last blog there are no coincidences. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. There are signs everywhere you look to clue you in to what's coming, if you're paying attention. We spend most of our time walking around in a dream world not being present. Most of us drag our butts out of bed in the morning to go to a place we really don't want to be just to bring in a certain income so we can put food on the table, pay bills and hopefully have enough left-over for a little fun. Something's wrong with this picture.

How many people actually love what they do? What are the requirements for loving what you do? I think the answer is freedom. Free to be your true self. We spend so much of our time doing work someone else dictates we do. It's that feeling of being trapped. We are told this is what is expected of us to become grown-ups. How do we find the balance to follow our bliss and still be responsible? I've never been able to figure that one out. We carve out small increments of time to have fun and then go back to the drudgery of our jobs. We're told to "follow your bliss," and "do what you love and the money will follow." For most of us it just doesn't work out that way because we don't know how to do it. The problem is fear. We buy in to the belief system that we must go to work in a traditional job or else we're failures. There it is...we are brainwashed. We are so caught up in what parents, society, friends and teachers tell us that we are unable to think for ourselves. We lose the joy inherent to us as spiritual beings.

Now that's not to say we don't have to earn an income. We still have to put food on the table, take care of our responsiblities and keep a roof over our head. What i'm saying is we have lost our ability to believe in ourselves. This comes out of fear that we will fail. As we continue to follow this negative thought pattern, we bring more of the same in to our lives. It's called the "law of attraction." Like attracts like. The more we believe in something whether it's positive or negative, the more we draw it closer. The more we think about something we don't want in our lives, the more it comes in to being. If we believe we'll never be able to support ourselves unless we have a conventional job, that's exactly what manifests.

I've spent the last few months trying to get rid of the negative mind set telling me I'm not capable of achieveing my dreams. Sometimes it just takes an individual or an event to come along and remind us anything is possible. Then the ball starts rolling. One thing leads to another and soon you find that creative spark ignited again, remembering all the dreams you've buried away. The signs and inspiration were always there, we just ignored them as wishful thinking and fantasy.

This past week, the signs have been everywhere and I have been more in tune to see them. I've been remembering more and more activities I've enjoyed doing but have stopped for one reason or another. Dance, listening to and playing music have always been a huge part of my life growing up. I remember when I was around six, my mother took me to dance lessons a couple times a week. The class time was divided up between ballet and tap. I was always placed as the leader in everything we did in class. That was the teacher's decision. For some reason the routines came very easy to me so the teacher always put me in the front so the other students could follow me. I realize now it was easy because I did not comprehend it was supposed to be difficult.

I remember the antique shop right next to the studio where I took dance lessons. After my dance classes, my mother and I would spend time in the shop talking to the lady who owned the shop. She had an upright piano in the back of the shop and I was immediately drawn to it. I would sit down and play music I had heard...not very well but good enough you knew what it was. I got better at "playing by ear" the more I practiced everytime we went to the shop. Eventually my mother bought that piano and I was able to continue to play it at home. Soon I was given piano lessons and taught to read music but as a result, lost the ability to play by ear. I don't know how it happened. Somehow I learned another lesson you had to be "taught" skills. you couldn't possibly of acquire them on your own. Again, brainwashed!

My point here is that deep down inside, we know what we are here to do but forget or are pushed away from the creative source. We can do anything we put our mind to as long as we believe we can. Unfortunately we do a disservice to ourselves and our children by putting creative limitations on them. Music and art programs have all but disappeared in our schools. Our kids are not learning to use their creative talents and think for themselves but to follow the pack and do as their told. Joy has been taken out of the equation. The more we believe our children are failing, the more it becomes reality.

It's time to turn our way of thinking around. That is my goal for the coming year. Dream that big dream, do the things you enjoy and love. Laugh, laugh and laugh some more! Not only am I working on releasing all the negative thoughts and bringing in the positive but encouraging all those I know and love that anything is possible. As someone very wise said...sometimes we just need to believe!

Merry Christmas!

As always,
TOO

There are no coincidences. I've always believed everything happens for a reason. This has become very apparent to me these last few days. I have been on a journey to transform my life the last few months, to find what I'm really here to do. On the inside, I still feel like a child wondering what I want to be when I grow up. I've never been able to answer that question. There are so many things I want to experience. Maybe that's what I'm here to do; follow my dreams, experience, learn and share. I've always been very good at taking care of others but always at the expense of my own happiness and health. The time is now for ME!

Last week, I performed a little ritual for myself. I'm trying to shed the negtivity that's been dominating my life. I decided I would write down all the negative thoughts, bad feelings, sadness and anger. Then I burned some sage to clear the space, lit the paper and placed it in with the sage to burn. I took the ashes with me when I went out later that day and found a little garden to spread them out. I visulaized the negative thoughts floating away. I felt a little lighter after that. The next day I was in a bookstore and was thumbing through a magazine and came across an article talking about the very ritual I had performed. In addition, the article suggested writing down all the things you want to bring in to your life and burn them as well to release them in to the ether to allow them to manifest. When I got home, I wrote down all the positive goals and dreams I wanted and sent them off in to the ether as well.

Throughout the week, I've been either seeing or hearing words to remind me I'm on the right path. I see the words believe and create everywhere I go. So that is what I must do. I've had several conversations with friends over the last few weeks about inspiration, believing in your dreams and following your passsion. All these conversations have been lessons preparing me for the transformation to come. And big things are coming, I can feel it!

As always,
TOO

This past Sunday was our annual family and friend Holiday dinner. Our very good friend like to treat everyone. It's his way of giving to all for the hoilday. We have done this every year for the past few years. Usually we go to an I talian restuarant but this year was completely different. Two of us are veg heads...not always a problem but you do have to ask how the food is prepared. My close friend in addition to being vegan is also raw. What that means is nothing is consumed that had been heated above 115 degrees. This is to preserve the vital nutrient and enzymes for maximum absorption.

Again, not so much a problem if all you want to eat is salad and raw veggies. This year was a brand new restuarant. We went to Pure Food and Wine. This is one of the top raw reataurants in the country. Every dish is a work of art as it's presented to the table. Not only is the food beautiful to look at but all textures and flavors meld together in perfect harmony. The beauty of raw food is nothing is covered up. Each individual ingredient is tasted within the dish.


I started out with the Spicy Thai Wrap as my appetizer. For the main course, I chose the Portobllo Mushroom with an almond stuffing and cranberry sauce. For dessert, the Classic Sundae of course! Now you may be thinking, "how do you make ice cream without cooking it?" The secret is young coconut meat. Once frozen, it can be blended in a high speed blender and will have a very creamy consistancy. All that's needed is the flavoring and sweetner (usually agave). It's frozen heaven.


All I can say is I can't wait to go back for another extraodinary experience!

As always,
TOO

I know I said I would be posting another theatre story but this one takes precedent...

I made the mistake of going out "holiday
shopping" today. What was I thinking? I got stuck at Fifth Avenue
and 59th Street. Not only was every tourist in NYC at that corner
when I was there but there was a demonstration march going down Fifth
Ave starting at 59th St. The march was against the NYPD for the
shooting of Sean Bell a couple weeks ago. Not only do you have the
tourists and holiday shoppers but an angry mob to go with it. There
were barricades so you could only cross the street at one corner.

So here I am trying to cross the street, sandwiched in between
hundreds of people and I almost got in a fight. Yes! Me! I have a
very high tolerance for stupid behavior but I nearly lost it. I get
to the other side of the street and am trying to break away from the
crowd so I can enter Central Park to walk through the park rather than
battle people on 59th St. This woman behind me keeps pushing me...no,
shoving me. Having lived in NYC almost twenty years, I know how to
weave in and out of crowds without bumping into people and should I
accidentally bump into someone, I'm the first to say "I'm sorry" or
"excuse me." This woman just keeps shoving me and not one apologetic
peep comes out of her mouth. I finally turned around and said "would
you please stop pushing me?" Wherein she replied "everyone is pushing
me so BACK OFF!"

Now I'm faced with two options, turn back around, ignore the
comment and keep on walking (which is the option I usually take) or
take action. Something inside me snapped! Before I could stop
myself, I turned to face her and with the most menacing look I could
muster (you know the one - if my eyes had lasers she would have been
evaporated instantly) and growled "don't mess with me lady!" Now that
may seem kinda tame for what people usually say in NYC, but I was
ready to knock her down. I was actually restraining myself. What I
really wanted to say but censored before it came out of my mouth was
"lady, get your fat ass back to the mid-west where you belong." So
although "don't mess with me" came out, the line reading was with the
latter thought.

I've been trying to be so good lately! I've messed it all up and
now I'm going to hell! I must repent for my evil thoughts and
behavior. Since Santa does keep a list, I ain't gettin nothin' for
Christmas!

How was your day?

As always,
TOO

These last few weeks have been one roller coaster ride after another. I worked on a show and had one of the best experiences in the twenty years I've worked on Broadway. Am I a performer? No. I'm one of those invisible people in the theatre...you see me everytime you go to a show but you don't really notice me or know who I am. I work the front of house. That means I may take tickets, usher or on some occassions be in charge. This is something I have done, off and on for years. We all have other jobs...we just do this to stay connected to the theatre and have an extra income - something very much needed if you live in NYC. But I digress...

The last show was an amazing experience. Never in all my time have I seen people come together as a team so quickly including front house, crew and creative team. All this has to do with the show and the star of the production. I'm not going to start naming names, some of you may even be able to figure out who I'm talking about. I'll leave you to guess. I've met a lot of "celebrity" types over the years - some were lovely people and some just downright crazy. This star of the last show at the theatre was by far the most generous, funny, warm and open hearted person I have ever met. Not only does he have talent but is also an amazing storyteller. In fact, he's one of those "artists" that received all the talent when it was being passed out.

Why am I even talking about this person? For the first time we had a performer that made it his business to get to know everyone. This is very rare today. Most performers come into a show and only take the time to get to know the immediate people they work with, everyone else is an outsider. This person made it a point to learn names and actually spend time with us "outsiders." Very rare indeed.

All this came to an end recently when the show closed. We all took it very hard, expecting it would last until the first of the year. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. Still, in the short time it was there, the show and the star made a huge impact on me and everyone else. I have stories and laughter to last a lifetime. It will probably take that long just to tell them all. That is the purpose of this blog...to shed a little light on what happens on the other side as well as share wonderful memories. Yes indeedy, this person made a huge impact.

More to share next time!

As always,
TOO