Did I mention I like to process?? Interesting things have been happening the last few days. I will attempt to make sense of it here with the hope it may help someone else...
So I've been having trouble finding the passion and inspiration. It's frustrating for someone who wishes to create... knows what they want to create but can't find the drive to get started. What the hell am I waiting for?? For the energy to start flowing damn it!!
I decided to just leave it alone since I wasn't getting anywhere. Last Friday, I was a bit annoyed with everything. Yes... even I wake up on the wrong side of bed. When that happens, I get a bit snarky and adversarial. Okay, a lot snarky. I decided to leave early so I could walk to work (about an hour). On the way, I stopped off at the neighborhood news stand to play the Mega Millions. Anyone that knows me can attest I don't play the lottery... I feel it's a waste of money that could go towards something else. Anyhoo, I decided to play anyway as the jackpot was $333 million.
I put down my $2, go my ticket and was off to work. As I was walking along, I started to think what I could do with that kind of money. I'd already started thinking about what I could do with a million, thanks to my friend Jack and had also seen this crazy video earlier in the day from this in-your-face guy telling me "You may have lost your job.. but don't lose your dream" on Facebook. His words triggered a few things inside. So I decided to play the prosperity game..
With $333 million, I figured 50% Uncle Sammy, leaving me with $165 million. That's a lot of dough!!! Here's what I would do:
1. pay off all debt
2. buy a place to live (fully paid for)
3. set up trust funds for both children
4. set money aside for savings
5. set aside money for fun
6. think of philanthropic ways to give away the rest, helping others find and live their dreams.
But why stop there? I began to think about how my life would be different if money was abundant in my life...
I would combine my passions and travel the world, eating, learning about different foods and cultures and share the info with others, making new friends along the way through writing and video. Then I started to think about my current situation... money is an issue... but I can still write and talk about food. Then the thought crossed my mind I could write honestly about how I feed myself well and not spend a lot of money.
Why not set up a challenge for myself?? I could write about how much I spend on food, the ingredients and the recipes and keep it within a certain budget proving that one can eat well balanced, healthy, nutritious meals living in a small apartment, with little space in NYC. I'd have to be completely honest, maybe change the names to protect the innocent but I'll make a game of it and see what happens...
And then something did happen.... I started to realize I was having fun!!! I found myself getting excited over the possibilities. Ideas started zipping around inside my head. Oh lord, I was feeling passionate about the idea and having inspired thoughts!!! The creative block started to lift....
I don't want to give it all away, you will see soon enough. Needless to say, I did not win the lottery but I gotta great return on a $2 investment... all it really took was a dollar (or two) and a dream...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The Process of Process, part 1
Ideas come and go but some just stick with ya. I always come up with interesting and fun things to do... or so they seem at the time of inspiration. The idea is the easy part... putting into practice is something entirely different... for me anyway.
I've had this idea for a while... for years actually and have never got past the development phase. I love food - everything about it. I love to talk about it, try new ones, cook it, share it, you name it. It would seem a likely conclusion that I would start to put together a cookbook with all the recipes I've collected and devised over the years. I have a few ideas for different cookbooks in fact.
So why on earth can't I get started??
I'm a smart chic, I have skillz and I now have time. The resources are coming together, folks have offered to help in various capacities and I have support up the wazoo. So what's the problem?
The only thing I can think of is fear of failure or being judged. But I don't think that's really it. It's the passion that's missing. When I feel passionate about something, there's no stopping me - failure is not an option.
So how do I find the passion?
Friends have suggested I just get started and the passion will find me. Honestly, I feel like a little kid screaming, "I don't wanna, I don't wanna!" Maybe I'm just scared of the whole process because the task is overwhelming. I know, I know - take it one step at a time.
So here's my first step:
I want to start a blog about putting the cookbook together. Rather than put it all here, I've been trying to come up with a new name for the blog and am just clueless. I figured this would be the easiest part but it seems this is the key to me getting started. I could be wrong. Perhaps I'll come up with another excuse for not doing what I set out to do.
As some of my LOA friends would say, "if your having trouble getting started, you're not in alignment with it."
Uhhh... duh!
I recall hearing "if you're unclear about what to do, the next step is to do nothing."
So that's my excuse... I'm unclear and can't find the passion, other than write about the process of the process. Until then, I'll keep processing until I process.
I've had this idea for a while... for years actually and have never got past the development phase. I love food - everything about it. I love to talk about it, try new ones, cook it, share it, you name it. It would seem a likely conclusion that I would start to put together a cookbook with all the recipes I've collected and devised over the years. I have a few ideas for different cookbooks in fact.
So why on earth can't I get started??
I'm a smart chic, I have skillz and I now have time. The resources are coming together, folks have offered to help in various capacities and I have support up the wazoo. So what's the problem?
The only thing I can think of is fear of failure or being judged. But I don't think that's really it. It's the passion that's missing. When I feel passionate about something, there's no stopping me - failure is not an option.
So how do I find the passion?
Friends have suggested I just get started and the passion will find me. Honestly, I feel like a little kid screaming, "I don't wanna, I don't wanna!" Maybe I'm just scared of the whole process because the task is overwhelming. I know, I know - take it one step at a time.
So here's my first step:
I want to start a blog about putting the cookbook together. Rather than put it all here, I've been trying to come up with a new name for the blog and am just clueless. I figured this would be the easiest part but it seems this is the key to me getting started. I could be wrong. Perhaps I'll come up with another excuse for not doing what I set out to do.
As some of my LOA friends would say, "if your having trouble getting started, you're not in alignment with it."
Uhhh... duh!
I recall hearing "if you're unclear about what to do, the next step is to do nothing."
So that's my excuse... I'm unclear and can't find the passion, other than write about the process of the process. Until then, I'll keep processing until I process.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
The Brilliance of Youth
My children are brilliant. I know where they got it from (hee hee). But really.... I am amazed at what comes out of their mouth at such a young age, especially the sixteen year old.
At an age where hormones are raging, emotions run all over the place and independence is exerting itself, there are observations on how things work that I find hilarious and spot on... as only a sixteen year old can describe.
My youngest was upset...angry is more like it... at his father and brother. He had plans to do his "own thing" this weekend (whatever that was). Instead, his plans were disrupted so that his father and brother could do what they wanted. I think we can all imagine what it's like to be the sixteen year old having the rug pulled out from underneath.
For the next 30 minutes, I was his captive audience while he let it fly. It went something like this:
"Why does everyone else get to do what they want and what I want isn't important? I had plans... there was stuff I wanted to do this weekend and just because they want me to do what they want, my whole weekend is ruined. Nobody ever considers my feelings. I'm always the one who has to compromise. My brother always gets to do what he wants. If Dad asks him to do something and he doesn't feel like it, then he doesn't do it... nobody can make him do anything. But I always have to do what everyone else says. It's not fair. There's no reason why I can't do the things I planned other than Dad doesn't want me to."
It went on.... but you get the general idea. Instead of saying a word, I just listened. Which is something you just need to do with your kids. I didn't take what he said personally... he had to let it out so he could let the anger go.
When his rant was over, since his plans were changed, what did he want to do now..
"I don't know."
"Well... what do you think you would enjoy? What sounds like fun?"
"I don't know. What is fun anyway...?"
"Huh. Good question. How can we figure this out?"
"I don't know... there are too many thoughts in my brain flying around. I can't just pick one."
"What do you mean"
"My brain is like a big room. The walls on either side have velcro and my thoughts are like little balls bouncing and flying around with bits of velcro on them. When one of them sticks to the wall.... I have a thought I can hold onto."
Did he just say what I think he said???? What a perfect analogy for the confusing thoughts that run through our minds, waiting for us to grasp onto and make sense of.
So I said, "Or it can also be like the little lottery balls flying around in the box... when one finally pops up and can be read..... DING - I have a thought!"
He nodded in agreement. When did he become so brilliant?? So I took it a step further... we get angry or frustrated, sometimes you have too many balls bouncing around inside your mind, some of them sticking, then getting knocked off by another one, etc.... It becomes too much to deal with and overwhelming. Sometimes ya gotta open the window and let some of them fly out so they can become more manageable....
Yeah.... I like that!! My son is brilliant.... now time to get rid of some balls!
and yes.... we had fun the rest of the evening.
At an age where hormones are raging, emotions run all over the place and independence is exerting itself, there are observations on how things work that I find hilarious and spot on... as only a sixteen year old can describe.
My youngest was upset...angry is more like it... at his father and brother. He had plans to do his "own thing" this weekend (whatever that was). Instead, his plans were disrupted so that his father and brother could do what they wanted. I think we can all imagine what it's like to be the sixteen year old having the rug pulled out from underneath.
For the next 30 minutes, I was his captive audience while he let it fly. It went something like this:
"Why does everyone else get to do what they want and what I want isn't important? I had plans... there was stuff I wanted to do this weekend and just because they want me to do what they want, my whole weekend is ruined. Nobody ever considers my feelings. I'm always the one who has to compromise. My brother always gets to do what he wants. If Dad asks him to do something and he doesn't feel like it, then he doesn't do it... nobody can make him do anything. But I always have to do what everyone else says. It's not fair. There's no reason why I can't do the things I planned other than Dad doesn't want me to."
It went on.... but you get the general idea. Instead of saying a word, I just listened. Which is something you just need to do with your kids. I didn't take what he said personally... he had to let it out so he could let the anger go.
When his rant was over, since his plans were changed, what did he want to do now..
"I don't know."
"Well... what do you think you would enjoy? What sounds like fun?"
"I don't know. What is fun anyway...?"
"Huh. Good question. How can we figure this out?"
"I don't know... there are too many thoughts in my brain flying around. I can't just pick one."
"What do you mean"
"My brain is like a big room. The walls on either side have velcro and my thoughts are like little balls bouncing and flying around with bits of velcro on them. When one of them sticks to the wall.... I have a thought I can hold onto."
Did he just say what I think he said???? What a perfect analogy for the confusing thoughts that run through our minds, waiting for us to grasp onto and make sense of.
So I said, "Or it can also be like the little lottery balls flying around in the box... when one finally pops up and can be read..... DING - I have a thought!"
He nodded in agreement. When did he become so brilliant?? So I took it a step further... we get angry or frustrated, sometimes you have too many balls bouncing around inside your mind, some of them sticking, then getting knocked off by another one, etc.... It becomes too much to deal with and overwhelming. Sometimes ya gotta open the window and let some of them fly out so they can become more manageable....
Yeah.... I like that!! My son is brilliant.... now time to get rid of some balls!
and yes.... we had fun the rest of the evening.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Connecting to the past...
There comes a point in everyone's life that mortality sets in... not in a bad way mind you. Time moves faster and faster and then you begin to realize there's a finite time to this plane of existence - sorta makes you prioritize the things important in your life and conclude a lot of crap we put ourselves through just isn't important anymore.
For this reason - the last few weeks have caused me to reconnect to the past.... in a strange attempt to make sense of where I've been and where I want to go. Not too long ago I posted the story of finding my mother's recipe boxes and all the memories it brought back. Yesterday I was going through some boxes of old photographs and ran across a particular item that sent me for a loop.
I found a memorial card from my father's funeral in a metal box. I've been trying to find some connection to my father for years because he died when I was little. The only memories I have of him were his last year, mostly being ill and the last time I saw him in the hospital a day or so before he died. I could never remember the time of year when he passed but for some reason had always thought it was in the Spring.
I looked at the date on the card... July 31, 1968. The date means nothing for most but July 31st is my youngest son's birthday. My Dylan was born exactly twenty-five years to the day my father passed.
Coincidence?? I guess so... but for me it was profound. This was the first time I've felt a wink and a nudge from father and a reminder that he's still around keeping an eye out for me. I'm beginning to wonder what I will discover next.
The adventure has just begun...
For this reason - the last few weeks have caused me to reconnect to the past.... in a strange attempt to make sense of where I've been and where I want to go. Not too long ago I posted the story of finding my mother's recipe boxes and all the memories it brought back. Yesterday I was going through some boxes of old photographs and ran across a particular item that sent me for a loop.
I found a memorial card from my father's funeral in a metal box. I've been trying to find some connection to my father for years because he died when I was little. The only memories I have of him were his last year, mostly being ill and the last time I saw him in the hospital a day or so before he died. I could never remember the time of year when he passed but for some reason had always thought it was in the Spring.
I looked at the date on the card... July 31, 1968. The date means nothing for most but July 31st is my youngest son's birthday. My Dylan was born exactly twenty-five years to the day my father passed.
Coincidence?? I guess so... but for me it was profound. This was the first time I've felt a wink and a nudge from father and a reminder that he's still around keeping an eye out for me. I'm beginning to wonder what I will discover next.
The adventure has just begun...
Sunday, August 9, 2009
A brand new start!
Wow.... it's been a very long time since I've posted anything here. So long in fact I forgot I had started this blog.
As I looked back to see what I had written, I could see the pain I was going through and trying to cover it up with sarcasm and wit. Truth be told, I'm not the best writer and not witty enough to use sarcasm as well as other. But I'm hoping to get better.
I decided a few days a go I would resurrect this blog, perhaps change the focus to include things I'm more passionate about - food and the process of becoming ???. I'll use the question marks because I'm not really sure what I'm becoming. What I know for sure is I'm much happier these days even though the days are not perfect. I have people (and a person) in my life I love a great deal. I've made a ton of new friends through social media, caught up with a few from the past and am doing my best to stay in touch with everyone.
I've found my law of attraction folks.... or they found me.... or we were attracted to each other.... you get the picture. I've been in discussions about Abraham-Hicks (always lively) and have even been to a couple workshops.
What I hope to accomplish with this blog is talk about the process of becoming, however that will turn out. The adventure has begun.... hope to see you on the other side!
xoxo
As I looked back to see what I had written, I could see the pain I was going through and trying to cover it up with sarcasm and wit. Truth be told, I'm not the best writer and not witty enough to use sarcasm as well as other. But I'm hoping to get better.
I decided a few days a go I would resurrect this blog, perhaps change the focus to include things I'm more passionate about - food and the process of becoming ???. I'll use the question marks because I'm not really sure what I'm becoming. What I know for sure is I'm much happier these days even though the days are not perfect. I have people (and a person) in my life I love a great deal. I've made a ton of new friends through social media, caught up with a few from the past and am doing my best to stay in touch with everyone.
I've found my law of attraction folks.... or they found me.... or we were attracted to each other.... you get the picture. I've been in discussions about Abraham-Hicks (always lively) and have even been to a couple workshops.
What I hope to accomplish with this blog is talk about the process of becoming, however that will turn out. The adventure has begun.... hope to see you on the other side!
xoxo
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